not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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