I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
