i was rollin on her like bob the builder
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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