got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
