I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
