Nicole vs. Life
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
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