I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
