I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
