if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Randomize
