I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
