i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize