I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
