he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize