I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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