I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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