she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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