If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
