i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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