my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
