Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
You took a bar mat shot.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize