I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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