Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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