Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
