i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
