I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize