my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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