I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
