I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
