True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
