Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
