i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize