Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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