God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize