i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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