glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
