How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
