just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Randomize
