it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
