Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
