what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
