I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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