when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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