I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize