Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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