woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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