I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
