I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
