I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
