I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
