Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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