i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
