whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
