...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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