see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
How external is "for external use only"?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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