Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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