Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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