Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
