you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize