I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
