I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize