I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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