I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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