I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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