I think my fart just growled at me.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
