if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Even the bartender felt bad for me
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
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