Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
